Taking Stock: November 2017-Pt 1

I got this idea from Laurie who got it from Meet Me at Mikes (a site I’d never heard of but am visiting now entirely too often because beautiful crafts I’ll never do but will judge myself for not attempting, thanks Laurie).

Making: Christmas lists. I’ve officially bought two things. They’re both for the same person.

Cooking: I’m into ginger everything. It’s replacing the previously unnecessary dashes of paprika. Salmon? Ginger. Stir fry? Ginger. It hasn’t made its way to breakfast foods yet other than smoothies, but give me time.

Drinking: Water. I’m seriously increasing my water intake. I hate that I pee ever 12 minutes and can’t make it comfortably from work to home.

Reading: I just finished Paula Hawkins’ Into the Water. I had it from the library for the typical 21-day allotment. Though I started it immediately, I found myself returning it late in order to finish because I’d lost interest. I’m reading Nicole Blades’ Have You Met Nora at home and Dennis Lehane’s Since We Fell on my commute.

Wanting: An electric blanket. It’s something I’ve always wanted but will never buy for myself. I usually just bypass them in Target, but recently, because I won a gift card at work for being the keeper of relatively obscure movie lyrics (in my head), I actually stopped and caressed them. I read the specs: it’s plush, it’s washable, there’s a timer, and the cord is long enough to not require an extension cord which I’m sure would’ve had my bedmate spouting fire hazard statistics. I still walked away even though I knew I’d be cold later.

Looking: For my slipper. I’ve bought a new pair since one went missing IN THE HOUSE but I haven’t been able to throw away the remaining one because I know full damn well the missing one will go unmissing the minute I trash the one that was too afraid to abandon me.

Playing: Seekers Notes. It’s a hidden item game that I hide out in the bathroom at work and play.

Deciding: How much to put on which bill.

Wishing: The lady in the restroom at the movie theatre tonight rolled her eyes at me in the mirror. She sighed as she walked past Z washing his hands. I can only assume she thought he didn’t belong in the women’s room. Well guess what, Carmen. Until I’m comfortable with him going into the men’s room alone, he comes in the restroom with me. I wish people could offer more grace. At least this time he didn’t do that weird Blair Witch face the wall move.

Enjoying: Teaching. The class truly brings me joy and to see the students realize their anxiety about public speaking is waning never gets old.

Waiting: I can’t wait for next week because it’s a potential four-day weekend.

Liking: The ease of having my hair short.

Wondering: Where my winter coat is. I know I thought last year about Goodwilling it with the assumption I’d get a new one before it got cold this year. I can’t find it but I don’t remember actually donating it, just the thought I’d had about it. It’s been weeks, so I’m going to go ahead and call it. I need a new winter coat.

Loving: How easy it is to get my son to read a book not in his preferred genre.

Pondering: (Doesn’t this mean wondering or considering?)

Considering: What if I stop teaching to concentrate on finishing the novel? I teach twice a week right now 5:30-6:50. With the commute I’m usually home by 8. Next semester I’ve signed up for two classes, Monday through Thursday, 5:30-6:50 for one and 7:00-8:00 for the other. What if I decline one of those and use that time instead to write? I’d probably just nightnap.

Buying: Not this, but a girl can dream.

IMG_0851

Watching: I took Z to see Coco tonight. It is such an unexpectedly good movie, filled with humor and color.

Hoping: That DC isn’t selected as Amazon’s next physical store site.

Marvelling: That the human body doesn’t know when a woman no longer needs to have a period. I’m done with what these parts are used for, it’s time to shut it down. Forever.

Cringing: I heard a bump in my eight-year-old’s room the other day, following quickly by an exclamation of, “Oh, shit.” I hollered up the stairs, “Z.” A sheepish yes from him. “Watch your mouth, please.” We talked later about proper words to use when hurt (he’d hit his knee) but I’m not holding out hope that he’ll pick something new. He was probably cussing at me in his head as I talked to him about not cussing. Also? I am partial to dammit.

Needing: Still with the electric blanket. It’s so far beyond want.

Questioning: Everything, from what to wear to the way of the world.

Smelling: Honeysuckle. There’s a bit still left in the front yard even though it’s getting cold. The smell is faint, but it’s there.

Wearing: The cutest wool swing coat I found last year at the thrift store. I never wore it because it was missing a button.

Part two tomorrow or the next day because screw expectations.

You and I Both Know How This is Gonna End

It’s nearly 9 pm. The boy is in bed, the girls are finishing up homework and will shower and go to bed. I have dishes to do and I really need to prepare stuff tonight for tomorrow because that’s what makes me rush around most mornings (seriously, self, how damn hard is it to just iron tonight, make your lunch tonight, switch purses tonight and stop acting like you decided at the last minute to switch when OH STOP TELLING THAT LIE; YOU ALWAYS KNOW THE NIGHT BEFORE).

None of that is the real dilemma, though.

The issue is whether or not I should lie down knowing full well I won’t get back up. It’s like a wretched game of self sabotage that isn’t even a game anymore. It’s just a purposeful lie I tell myself: you can sleep for just an hour. You’re so tired all you need to do is recharge and then you can get tomorrow’s clothes together and switch purses and find your left shoe before you’re running around tomorrow morning cussing at people about how nobody’s shit goes missing but yours and you just had that shoe.

It’s so illogical, this nightnap, yet you seem unable to be deterred from trying to make it work. Oh, sure, sometimes you do wake up when the phone starts barking like a dog (really, that one scares me awake) but rarely do you ever actually get out of bed and do allthethings you need to do. Instead you stay there, angry at yourself for once again letting you down. And then you do it again the next day.

I know what you’re thinking. Treat it like meal planning and get your stuff together on the weekend for the week ahead. And to that I say stop trying to use your brain; nothing good will come from it, Gladys.

I truly don’t know where this stupid idea originated. I could see if I took a nap immediately upon getting home a little before 6 because then I could be up by 7:30, but I couldn’t do that regularly since dinner is a thing that needs to be made (and I like to be the one who makes it on nights that I’m here). Maybe you’re thinking I should look into why I’m so tired to begin with. And maybe I’d remind you what happens when you think.

5117C03A-796E-4B33-AF88-A176564CA8E1

Oh, look at that. I’ll leave my copay with the receptionist, thanks.

What’re You Watching?

I don’t watch much tv. At one point, the only things I watched regularly were HGTV to yell at people complaining about wall colors and granite countertops and Food Network for Chopped where I would want to eat the food they cooked and could never figure out why I kept torturing myself watching it knowing that wouldn’t ever happen. Now THAT was a sentence.

Over the summer I fell into the Game of Thrones hoopla. I watched seven seasons in under three weeks. It was worth it.

When Scandal first started, I hated it. It was in season 3 before I tried again and ultimately enjoyed it. But I stopped watching the season before last and have no real desire to return to it. I started Greenleaf and really liked it but not enough to remember when it came on. Now that I want to go back to it, it’s not available on the OWN app at all, like it disappeared. Speaking of the OWN app, here’s a gripe: I pay for the OWN channel. That one channel actually makes me have to choose a higher priced cable package. Yet, the OWN app doesn’t recognize Verizon as a provider. It locks certain episodes of shows and you can’t watch via the app if you have Verizon. It’s bullshit. I watched Being Mary Jane until last season and now that its last season is approaching, I need to go back and watch what I missed.

The only things I’m watching with any kind of regularity (meaning I will probably not watch in real time, but I’ll catch up a day or weekend or so later) are Queen Sugar (dammit, Darla!), This is Us (dammit, Kevin!), and whatever the hell Chip and Joanna Gaines’ show is called. Is it shiplap? I will eventually watch season 2 of Stranger Things but I was way more excited about it before it was released than I am now that it’s available.

Man, I’m weird. I feel like sitting down to watch a show is wasting time that could be spent doing something else like folding laundry, putting away the folded laundry, cleaning the bedroom that so sorely needs attention. Yet if given the chance to actually do those things, they become less important. Lord knows this basket of clothes has been clean for a week. I’ve sat on the sofa and stared out the window too many times to count in the past week and not felt bad once for not folding it all. But the minute I turn on the tv, the guilt kicks in and all the clothes start screaming about how they’ve been languishing for a week. I never listen to the clothes, mind you. Here’s a thought: fold the clothes or clean the room while watching.

Nope. Never works. I need to pay attention.

So. What’re you watching?