There’s Nothing to Talk About

If we’re friends on Facebook, you know I sometimes post about the lengthy, discuss whatever we think of, phone calls I have with my father. I thought about breaking this list of topics up because it’s rather lengthy, but no. In order to understand the majesty of this 2:14:30 call, you have to see it all (and yes, it’s hard to try to keep track as we go. Just think, I may have missed some stuff).

We started off slow this week talking about how I’m recovering from being sick last week. It was a strange sickness–a consumption-like cough, body aches, and nothing else. So, we started with that and cold medicine: what works and what doesn’t. Somehow, that led us to:

Traffic (it exists always, everywhere)

New restaurants (there’s one called Half Smoke at 7th & U. He wants to know if they sell half smokes, and if so, do they sell anything else?)

All that phones can do (this one is continuous. He’s still amazed that I can just find out what time the next movie is playing by pressing a button on my phone and then I can hand it to the little boy and let him play a game that is nothing but a ball dodging obstacles. No one else has successfully beaten this game, but the 7-year-old is on like level 428)

Weather: mild winter and the effects on freelance plow drivers (they lost money this year. Did you know there’s been no measurable snow for Chicago in January or February of this year? That hasn’t happened in 146 years)

Traveling (both girls are going out of the country this year)

Somehow that led to luggage, and its treatment and the wonder of Shout (shout it out! I had to clean my sister’s luggage after I used it in Vegas last year and I was afraid the stains wouldn’t come out, but Shout is magical)

DST, the continued stupidity of

Movies (we’re going to see Get Out and LEGO Batman this weekend)

SATs (the oldest teen took the test this morning)

Cost of replacing car key fobs (I have no idea how the conversation got to this. None whatsoever.)

Baseball camp (I want to sign the little boy up for camp or Little League or something. But we all know camp registration starts in February and I’ve missed most and it doesn’t matter because they’re all priced high as a giraffe’s ass, amen)

High school choices (We’re at college level acceptance nail biting over here and it just feels wrong)

Market at school (Once a month there’s a free, open market at my son’s elementary school. We aren’t necessarily in a food desert; we do have options. But we don’t have healthier options like Harris Teeter, Mom’s Organic, or the like. I look forward to the market every month because fresh(er) greens, mushrooms, fruit, rice. I keep wondering if I should be embarrassed by the market (there are some families who don’t visit the market because they think it makes them seem needy. But what’s wrong with need?) The food we got today will help us plan the remainder of our week’s dinners.)

Bicycling (Did I tell y’all I started riding my bike to work last year? The joy I got out of it surprised me and I can’t wait until it’s warm enough to start back up)

Step challenge (I’m competing at work to see who can get the most steps over 60 days. Did you know your iPhone, if you have one, has been tracking your steps, even if you never set up the health stuff?)

Access points for UPS (Did you know that if you’re in a controlled entry building, UPS has designated access points or drop off locations where your package will be rerouted to? This only makes sense if UPS actually tells you that this exists, and that a package delivery was attempted. Otherwise you sit around fighting the urge to mean tweet DSW for taking so long to send your wedges)

Flirtatious old women (Ew. No one wants to talk about the ladies in your senior apartment building, old man)

Wizards season (Let’s hope they hold onto this whatever it is they have going)

The dude in the white house (meh. I don’t feel like expounding)

Side effects of medicines that seem longer than the commercial (why is there a heart medicine that might cause a heart attack?)

Global warming (we circled around from weather earlier, I guess)

Metric measurements and drinking water by body weight (We spent 10 minutes on “so 70L of water is the general average for one to have daily, but how much is that in ounces? And how much is a gallon? Wait, pints? Milliliters? What size is the $.99 ginger ale called? Why are there so many distinctions? Well if this is this many ounces, then if you double that, you’d get– ok I got it. (I only said that to change the subject. I didn’t have it. But, if this were fifths or pints in the liquor store, I guarantee I wouldn’t have been confused))

Subway 50% chicken (I haven’t had Subway chicken in more than a decade. It never tasted like chicken to me and the weird rubbery texture didn’t help. I was scared to see what the other half is, but it’s mainly soy. Supposedly.)

Columbo or SVU (I have NO idea what we said about either of these. Maybe he’s still complaining that the 13-year-old watches SVU)

Stealing lunch at work (Someone might need to be taught a lesson via Ex-Lax)

Soda tax in PA (A 20 oz soda that used to be $1.79 is now $3.15)

Bloating from ginger beer (nothing else to say)

Bloating from liquor (same)

Big Little Lies and movie adaptations from books (He’s not watching this, but I watched the first episode. I was unimpressed and haven’t watched episode two yet. I’m hoping The Handmaid’s Tale is done well, though I likely won’t be able to see it. I’m not paying for a subscription to Hulu for it. Nope.)

The deerdog (or sheepelope. Or lambdog. Or Deerbra. Seriously, WHAT IS THIS?)

Pulp (He loves it; I hate it)

Check back next week when we might start with whether or not I landed the boy a camp.

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