Random ignorant men on the street have called me this since I was a teenager: slim goody. I’ve been nearly the same weight for the past 20 years. While most yearn for slimmer days, I’m fighting to stay a size four instead of a zero. There is nothing good in being this thin. When I had my annual physical recently, the doctor even noted that “technically” I should be considered underweight. However, looking at my medical history, there is nothing to warrant me being considered unhealthy just because I’m not the ideal weight for my age and height. I’ve always been thin. I wag my finger disdainfully at every woman who told me I’d get bigger after having children. Um…is that gonna start soon? How many do I have to have? While I do of course gain while pregnant, once the baby vacates the premises…bam! All gone. Liars, the lot of you.
In middle school I was called everything from anorexic to a crackhead because of my skinniness. In high school I was simply snickered at. It wasn’t until they saw me eat and knew I wasn’t purposely starving myself that the insults slowed. I find it highly interesting that I can claim the same feelings about body image that many overweight women do: can’t find clothes, unhappy with body appearance, nasty stares and comments. Yes, I get the stares and the jokes just like overweight women. Regardless of them being for the opposite reason, I do still get them.
I realized recently that I don’t even fit into the zeroes anymore. But I had to check myself: in May of this year I was also crying that I couldn’t get the fours over my thighs. Now, my pants need safety pins, dresses need to be taken in, jeans are sagging (there is nothing attractive about saggy butted denim)! Surely you’ve all read that breastfeeding assists with weight loss after birth. For me, though, it takes it to the extreme. Breastfeeding giveth (mmmmm boobs) and breastfeeding taketh away (butt, thighs, (say, can you take the pooch too, sheesh!)). The easy answer isn’t as easy as one might think (if one was going to suggest I simply stop breastfeeding). Since I’ve always been skinny, I’m going to remain skinny when I stop nursing. I won’t magically gain. Silly non-breastfeeding understanderer you.
At 36, I should be comfortable with me, regardless of size. I guess I’m still a work in progress. So, I’ll keep on with the vitamins and pile on the potatoes.