Enjoying the weather yesterday, my work spouse and I walked to Macy’s. I saw a few pairs of shoes that were quite cute. Then one pair stopped me altogether. They called to me. Asked me to take them home and introduce them to new friends in my closet. I told them I’d consider it but I left without them because I had something to think about. My friend had asked, “what’re you gonna do with those? Wear them for half an hour and go back to the flats?” I was appalled. Is that really what she thought of me, that I was a (gulp) flat shoe wearer? I have one pair of flat shoes. One. I wear them to and from the train. But lately…she was right. I was wearing them all day. What was happening to me? I was letting work and school and kids and dishes and seasonal depression get in the way of me being me.
The baby is six months old. I’ve taken a lot longer to get back to myself this time around. I’m 36. I tire more easily. I’m cranky. My hair is disagreeable most mornings. I sit on a floor with only six other coworkers so I’m secluded at my desk all day. So what if I’m disheveled? WHAT? When did that become acceptable? I don’t know, but I know when I tried on another pair of shoes yesterday I felt instantly like my true self. I realized I need to take control of my appearance. I am a mother, yes. But I am a wife, too, and a woman first and both of those things have taken a backseat.
I declare this nonsense over! The sun has returned and so has my internal light (and the external one because now I see how icky I’ve been looking. Eeeew). The fact that I pulled out my heels for today from the same bag as random jars of baby food and a breast pump is only one aspect of me. I just have to remember that (and go back to get those shoes today!)